The Worst of M.C. Hammer, ep. 1: “Pop Yo Collar”

Welcome to your first weekly Wednesday* installment of Worst of the Best month featuring M.C. Hammer!  Under the microscope today:  “Pop Your Collar.”

*Editor’s note: Pretend that today really is Wednesday and not Thursday.  Thanks!

“Pop Yo Collar” is a song from M.C. Hammer’s 2001 album Active Duty.  It kind of sounds like M.C. Hammer was heavily influenced by Petey Pablo, which… is a really weird dynamic when you think about it. However, when you hear him in this song you’ll realize its totally true. Hammer’s not alone in this song either.  He brought his man Wee Wee along.

…WEE WEE?!

Why in the world would a grown man call himself WEE WEE?!  Even spell check sees this as an error as I’m typing this!  I wish to GAWD that was an accident, spell check. I swear I do.

And now… On to the song, broken down by the second to give full credit to each point of ridiculousness:

It starts with a slow motion of the dance that will eventually take over your life.

0:13 – Credits start rolling like this is some kind of movie about popping collars. I’d like to see that movie actually. Starring M.C. Hammer and Wee Wee.  Like a buddy cop movie about two guys that just pop their collective collars at danger. That’d be wildly entertaining. This however… is something else.

0:29 – M.C. Hammer has an improper use of a green screen all through out this video. In more than a few scenes, he uses a green screen to put himself in front of a a brick wall with some green stairs behind him while he popped his collar. I’m assuming he did this because he couldn’t find ONE OF THE MOST COMMON SCENES IN THE HISTORY OF THE HOOD anywhere and had to use money to impose that scene behind him. Wonder why they call ya broke. (© Tupac)

0:30 – ENTER:  WEE WEE.

0:44 – Wee Wee shows his spirit fingers for no good reason. Hammer Pops His Collar.

1:25 – Hammer is in a shroud of Diddy Smoke. I’m sure Hammer is dancing his ass off here, but who can tell?! Where’d he go? By the way, this is the only time they used the smoke scene the entire video so really take it in and enjoy it!

1:32 – Hammer starts popping things that don’t have collars.  T-shirts, jerseys, wife beaters…just whatever. He’s poppin’ it.

1:42 – For some glorious reason, Hammer starts naming ALL of his various collar pops.  This is by far the best thing about this video. It starts with ‘The Buttafly Pop’ and moves on to such great names as ‘The Phat Daddy Pop’, ‘In-pop-nito’ (get it?), and ‘Pop’n It Up!’

2:50 – In the middle of all the dance naming, the phrase ‘He Drove Now’ pops up on the screen.  I’m pretty sure that’s just a declarative statement. Just to let everyone know, HE DROVE NOW! And he will drive forever more. Drive on Hammer…drive on.

3:30 – Hammer performs his finishing dance entitled ‘Look Who Popped Up’. Any guesses on who pops up at the end of the dance?

Oh yeah, the song itself sucks too.  Don’t know if I mentioned that yet.