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I Had the WEIRDEST Dream Last Night.

April 3, 2013


In this dream, James Brown is giving a concert.  At the end of this concert, James Brown spots Michael Jackson in the audience and calls him up on stage for an impromptu performance. Mike sings the words ‘I love you’ really passionately a couple of times in classic Mike fashion. Then, he dances as only Mike can and makes this into a really amazing moment. The crowd’s feeling good. Amazing.

Then Mike tells James Brown that Prince is in the audience. Then James Brown says, ‘SAYWHAAANAH!?!’  Then MJ tells him again that Prince is in the audience and it’d be a dope musical moment to bring him on stage. Then James Brown says, ‘HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!’

Then James Brown announces Prince.

…Prince was high, ladies and gentlemen. Very, very high. Probably on cocaine. So…when he was announced by James Brown, Prince did the only thing someone who was blown out of his mind would do: he asked Santa Claus if he would take him to the stage on piggy back. Now, normally when you’re high and you ask Santa to take you on a piggyback ride… it isn’t really you’re talking to.  Instead, its your friend George who responds to your request by saying, ‘Say man…maybe I should take you home.’ But not when you’re Prince. Prince actually brought Santa F. Claus to the party! He gets his yultide piggy back ride, and James Brown thinks this is hilarious.

This dream is gettin’ kinda crazy, right?  It gets crazier.

So then Prince gets to the stage. He then bites off a glove he has on his hand and throws it into the crowd triumphantly as if to say ‘PRINCE IS HERE!’ Then an audience member throws the glove back, as if to respond ‘Nigga, we know.’  Prince then throws another glove into the audience because Prince always has to have the last word. Even when the last word is just a glove with a lot of sparkles on it.

Then James Brown tells Prince he, quote, ‘HASTADOSUMMM!’  And there is no way Prince hit that stage with the intent of doing nothing. Not with that much coke in his system. So, he grabs a guitar: exactly what everyone was hoping Prince would do.  Expectations for the audience members skyrocket!

Then Prince goes over to some of James’ people and says ‘Uuuuuuuuh….how do you use this thing?’ He was that high, ladies and gentlemen. They told him, he remembered, then Prince politely ripped it for about a minute and a half. Then he started rubbing his nose.

Then Prince smelled his finger. Like…really dramatically. Then he starts breathing really hard…which culminates in him smacking the guitar and making the same noise I would make if I were trying to play the guitar. Then that cocaine gets so good to him that he’s GOT TA take his 80s jacket off, so he hands it to someone and turns around to see the microphone. But he’s mystified as to how its standing. Prince was like: ‘WHAT IN THE HELL!?! ARE YALL SEEING THIS!?! LOOK AT THIS MICROPHONE STANDING ALL BY ITSELF! THE MECHANICS ARE PERFECTLY AMAZING! ITS MY MAGIC HANDS THAT MUST BE ALLOWING IT TO STAND ALONE BY ITSELF ON ITS OWN!’

Prince then moves the microphone around so good that it apparently hurts his head. To express this pain, Prince gets to the mic and screeches a squeal that would later be used in the 90’s as the noise for velociraptors in the movie Jurassic Park.

Then he realized that people don’t want to see him sing; they want to see him dance erotically.  So, Prince does what he does. Then he stops abruptly and holds up 2 fingers and makes everyone clap 1 time in a fun game of Simon says. Prince gets freaked out by the fact that he is in complete control over their ability to clap, and as such, he bows and exits the stage. But not before he drops a streetlight down on that hatin’ ass dude that threw the glove back at him. Prince never forgets.  And neither does Santa.

Now, the best thing about this dream:  IT ACTUALLY FREAKING HAPPENED.  And someone videotaped it.  And here it is.

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