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The Worst of M.C. Hammer, ep. 2: “Straight to my Feet”

July 21, 2010

Yeah. This actually happened.

In December 1994, the movie Street Fighter was released, starring Jean Claude Van Damme.  Also that month, the soundtrack for the movie was released.  This soundtrack contained a song called “Straight to my Feet” by M.C. Hammer.  And with that, I welcome you to this week’s installment of “WTF Was M.C. Hammer Thinking?!”

Straight to my Feet.”  In this song, M.C. Hammer seems to be  influenced by ‘Fantastic Voyage‘/’Dangerous Minds‘-era Coolio, but his style of dress is more similar to ‘How Do You Want It‘-era Tupac.  And when you think about it, it makes sense. Coolio + Tupac = M.C. Hammer.  Hammer’s not alone in this song, either.  He brought his man Deion Sanders along. That’s right–that Deion Sanders. THE Deion Sanders.  And Jean Claude Van Damme.  He also brought along a fake Jodeci-like group.  They have to be Jodeci knock-offs because they’re wearing raincoats and no shirts. I guess they could also be a bootleg Public Announcement too though. Too close to call.

The best part of this video by far is Jean Claude Van Damme’s van damned dancing.  I can’t even tell you how hard I laugh every time that guy moves! He wiggles, he bobs, he wobbles, he, grooves, he… pretty much does this:

Remarkable.

The video opens up in a strange place. I honestly can’t figure out where they are. If I had to guess I’d say they’re at a club/party in Thailand where they just happen to have sumo wrestling, pole dancers, and bikers.

Things to watch for:

0:23 – Introduction to the fake Jodeci group I’ll call G-Man and the RainCoats. Not really sure why rain coats are necessary in Thailand…but G-Man knows best. *shrugs*

0:33 – First shot of Van Dam doing his ‘groove’ dance. As an odd aside, if you pause it at 33 seconds you’ll notice the lady next to Hammer is one of the skinniest women I’ve ever seen in my life. All that money and Hammer didn’t feed nobody on set!?

0:38 – MC Hammer and Deion Sanders do an awkward high-five and shimmy across the stage. There’s Deion everybody. Take him or leave him. Leave him. Just leave him.

1:26 – More awkward Van Damme-ness. I believe that it took him 3 years to get that one phrase down. He’s so proud of it!

2:08 – Juwanna Movie Credit.

2:43 – THE MOST AWKWARD PELVIC THRUST THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN!

2:56 – Van Dam does the wobble!  Or tries to!   At least it looks like he’s having fun! Get it, Van Dammit!

3:20 – G-man sings the most un-inspired note ever and Hammer gets hype! ‘YEAH! SING THAT G-MAN!!!’

4:00 – Random biker does the ‘Van Damme’.

Beginning of the end.  There it is.  Its really bad.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. July 21, 2010 8:51 pm

    Van Damme is also dancing in the movie Breakin’, it’s the same sad stuff.

    • Lite Bread permalink
      July 21, 2010 10:15 pm

      @Charles 270,
      You are SO right. In fact, I think Beakin’ 2 Electric Boogaloo is even funnier.
      Got it saved on my iPut for further viewing.
      Heard it had a Fluffer@ Fan Club account ya can follow.

      (Now Beat Street … that one was Formative … fer me at least, with Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five at the end – whose name sounds like a bad Kung Fu movie …).

      • July 22, 2010 3:59 am

        The only thing I remember from Beat Street is that one of the kids gets electrocuted, and there is a dude with a jheri curl singing at his memorial or something.

      • July 24, 2010 3:42 pm

        Beat Street has extended footage of Kool Moe Dee sans sunglasses. (he and the rest of the Treacherous Three were in the Christmas sketch.) Ish was hi-larious.

  2. July 24, 2010 3:44 pm

    The Street Fighter soundtrack wasn’t a complete loss though. “Come Widdit” with Ahmad (yes, “Back in the Days” Ahmad), Ras Kass and Saafir was dope.

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