VH1’s Dirty South Honors: Disco Rick Was Robbed!
So VH1’s Dirty South Hip Hop Honors aired this week, and it was kind of a fun time. I will admit to getting up and spraining an ankle, then getting down on the floor and getting rugburn on my knees when Luke performed. I will also admit to attempting to hump my TV when David Banner stepped on the stage. But when it was all over, smyph and I spent some time talking about everybody they left out who really, really deserved to be honored. Among them, Miami bass legend Disco Rick.
(Note: Extreme sarcasm ahead.)
That happy-faced guy holding a Klansman’s hood up there is Disco Rick, and he wants to sing and dance with your children. Before you run into the streets screaming “bedlam!” hear us out!
Disco Rick is a legend! Remember the song “Your Mama’s On Crack Rock?” Arguably one of the most important, hard-hitting socio-political rap narratives of our time? That was totally Disco Rick! As his Wikipedia entry states, “Rick began his music career with the Gucci Crew in the early 1980s, mixing music and writing lyrics that would go on to help define the Miami sound.” Hear that? This man helped to define the music of an entire city. After making a name for himself, he then quit all that shit and went to making songs exclusively featuring a bunch of young, vulnerable, loudmouthed unfortunate-haired kids on both on the chorus and in the videos.
Disco Rick had other hits (we’re guessing,) but to our knowledge, very few people outside of Miami have a recollection of the classic “The Nasty Dance.” In context, the setup is perfect: he’s in Miami with access to plenty of thongged, bikini-clad beach bunnies available to grind, gyrate, and air-hunch in the video. And there is gyrating. And there’s hunching.
But its those same little crack rock kids doing the hunching.
This takes an uncontrollable, inappropriate attraction to children balls to do, man. Heavy balls. To not only make a video of children dancing inappropriately, but to then throw your grown-ass self in the middle of this pre-pubescent fountain and dance inappropriately along with them? Who among your music stars has that kind of nerve today?! And it gets worse gangster-er: He’s not the only grown man dancing with these babies. There’s also a set of dancing twins. Remember the dance-marching that the soldier dudes were doing in PE’S “Fight the Power” video? Okay, imagine those soldier dudes on PCP. That’s what the twins are doing.
By this point in the video, it’s very possible that you’ve lost all hope, but then we are served a hero in the form of a little girl who must be about 5 or 6 years old. In the beginning, she looks at Disco Rick and his nasty dancing asks ‘what are you doing?’ while making a face that plainly says ‘..What in the blue hell is YOUR problem, Punchy?’
You’re rooting like shit for this little girl, praying that she will walk away with hips that have not yet humped or bumped or grinded or anything before their time. But then..
…fucking Disco Rick gets her, too.
See? He was irresistible! His genius just could not be denied, not even by the smallest of warriors. And VH1 passed on honoring that?? And for what? The Geto Boys?? IT IS TO LAUGH!