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“Mr. Pacman:” Splackavellie 2010.

April 8, 2010

Remember H-Town? Dumb question.  Of course you remember H-Town.  Remember their 2009 single “Mr. Pac Man?”  Of course you don’t.  ‘Cause you never heard it.  ‘Cause it sucks.

I found this video after SC creative partner seansmyph directed me to another of H-Town’s comeback jams (which we’ll share with you a little later on) and I just couldn’t believe my ears.  What you are about to witness is four minutes s of what may be one of the worst metaphors ever birthed in the R&B realm, and another instance of failed attempted slang-starting.

This song is quite Splackavellian in a lot of ways.  Firstly – it’s terrible.  It’s just bad.  Really, really asinine.  This is standard, classic 90s R&B at it’s best/worst.  Problem is…it was made in 2009.

The song begins, much like “Splackavellie,” with somebody talking, presumably to define what this new term means.  Pressha did a much better job of this, since the two chicks who open up this song never say what a “pacman” is.

Girl 1: Hey, girl, what’s wrong?
Girl 2: Oh, I just miss my pacman.
Girl 1: Girl, that’s just a video game!
Girl 2: No, girl, it’s real.
Girl 1: Is it true what they say?
Girl 2: Yes, girl. I got me one, and you need to get you one.

You probably think I made that up.  I totally didn’t.  That is, word for word, what our two leading ladies say, and H-Town thought that this was an adequate definition of what a “pacman” is.  Here are my questions.

  1. Okay, so the first girl clearly has no knowledge of what a real life “pacman” is or is rumored to be, as her response is “girl, that’s a video game.”  But when Girl 2 responds with “nu uh, it’s real,” she asks “Is it true what they say?”  ..How do you magically know what a pacman is now?!
  2. What do they say about pacmen?

So okay.  Them broads failed at explaining.  Maybe the chorus will do better.  I actually got pretty hopeful when it started.

Every woman needs a lover [Okay.  I’m with you.]
A stone freak undercover [Pacman was a stone freak?]
A man who makes you feel like no other [..Pacman did this?]
Baby, call me Mr. Pac Man.. Pac Man [WAIT, WTF IS A PACMAN?!]

So much for seeking wisdom and knowledge in the chorus.  I still don’t know what this colloquial “pacman” is or how it relates to a man’s performance in bed.  I mean okay.  Obviously, Pacman ate things (ghosts, random fruits, little white dots, et. al).  All I can come up with is that this is just a thinly veiled (and never again referred to) reference to cunnilingus, which is officially one of the laziest metaphors ever.

And the crazy keeps coming.  Somewhere in the song, he says “I’ll make you feel like the only woman on earth.”  …I guess I see the intent, but I’ll pass on the grounds that the idea of being the last woman on earth is TERRIFYING.  Won’t that charge me with single-handedly (or more appropriately, single-wombedly) repopulating the earth?  I’d have to have like millions upon millions of babies!  Do you know what my body would look like after that?  I’LL PASS.

Here’s the best part, though.  Was there any chance that you, at some point, said to yourself, “Self, I would not at all be surprised if these fools sing the sound that Pacman makes in the video game?”

Forward on to the 3:03 minute mark.

You’re welcome/I’m sorry.

Every woman needs a lover [Okay. They’re gonna tell us what kind of lover a pacman is.  I am ready.]

A stone freak undercover [Pacman was a stone freak? I thought he just ran around chompin’ ghosts.]

A man who makes you feel like no other [Well, there *was* a Mrs. Pacman..but who knows what they did in the sheets?”

Baby, call me Mr. Pac Man.. Pac Man [WAIT, WTF IS A PACMAN?!]

9 Comments leave one →
  1. April 8, 2010 5:18 pm

    the yumma-yumma-yumma-yum-yum has given me life more abundantly…

  2. Lite Bread permalink
    April 8, 2010 5:34 pm

    Ms. Brokey,

    I still have saved off of You-Tube “Knochin’ da Boots” vidjo.

    I love the opening, all dark-up room and she asks him “Luke. We’re about to see your new video by H-Town. But I have a question for you. What does Knockin’ da Boots mean?”
    “Two boots makin’ tasteful lust together” LOL!

    “Good body-rockin’ all night long”

    “Go get yer towel”

    Damn!!!! I love that song.

    Now … I just need a girl ….

  3. April 9, 2010 5:40 am

    All I can ssy is “oh hell naw.”

  4. April 9, 2010 10:49 am

    Yeah, that is a lazy ass (and gross) metaphor.

  5. Lite Bread permalink
    April 9, 2010 4:01 pm

    Ms. Brokey,
    Now, since this is the kinda thing that rates High Priority, I thought Lil’ Bit ‘bout this.

    I know of the expression “I’m Packin’, man”. That’s a firearm reference, like “I got a Gun (Makes me a MAN)”.

    Sooooo …. Pacman is, uh, Packin’. But packin’ what? Considering the context, and since this IS an A/A male R&B song, chances are it’s about …

    The Penis.

    As in “I’m packin’ an anaconda (thanks Sir Mix-A-Lot). I’m a Pacman girl. Didn’t ja know? So you know you want it bad, like right now”

    Now I can sleep in peace …

  6. April 9, 2010 7:32 pm

    I refuse to play the video cause I’m at work and have instituted a DFL (Daily F*ckery Limit) but I’m still reeling that this video was made in 2009. Like, last year. I like to think that I keep my ear to the proverbial R&B streets, but this must have flown under my (and America’s) radar.

  7. miamias permalink
    April 16, 2010 8:50 pm

    But why does that one dude’s bedazzled belt say Shazam though?


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