Know What the World Needs? More Ass.
This must have been BET’s rationale when it came up with the brilliant idea for “Uncut,” which was pretty much an hour or so of barely censored, raunchier-than-usual videos that they showed at 3:00 am. Because, you know. The Thong Song just didn’t quite fulfill the daily Ass Wigglin quota. Overtime was mandatory.
(NOTE: VIDEOS ARE NOT WORK SAFE! LOTS AND LOTS OF ASS WITHIN!)
In summation, “BET Uncut” was essentially a bunch of often cheap, low-budget videos by unknown/little known artists (i.e. – “What U Thirsty 4?”). The songs were almost always hyper-sexual in nature, and featured a lot of T & A. A lot. Enough to get the show a TV-MA rating and even making some rappers speak out. The show debuted in 2000 and lasted a total of 6 freaking years.
Fun fact: in 2005, while this show was still on the air, hip hop group Little Brother was banned from the station after execs claimed that their music was “too intellectual” for BET’s audience. Tunes like “Super Ho” and “Shake That Shit” totally got through, though, no problem.
Now here’s the thing. I’m not here to criticize BET’s fucked up policies and ways, nor preach on how they’ve probably got plans to further poison black American even more. Ain’t enough time in the world for that. I’m going to admit a deep dark secret and admit to you all, my friends, my family, that they played some songs that, were they to come on my TV right now, I’d be really excited to hear. Partially for nostalgia’s sake, partially because some of that ignorant ass music had danceable beats. Make no mistake, though. My affinity aside, they were all ridiculous. The very existence of the show, especially considering what sorts of things they refused to show, is batshit. But I watched. I listened. I danced. And these were my favorites.
1. Mighty Casey – White Girls. I really liked this video because I couldn’t figure out what the fuck it was doing on “Uncut.” Ain’t no strip club scenes, no car washes with big soapy booties. Just… modest looking white girls in cheerleading uniforms. In the snow. Lol, what?
2. Black Jesus – What That Thang Smell Like. THIS. IS. A. MESS. Beginning to end. And because of that, this song and video provided me with endless hours of sad mirth and laughter. First of all… why are you called Black Jesus?? Secondly… THAT IS NOT A QUESTION YOU ASK SOMEBODY. Thirdly… check out my girl’s hair at 0:35. LOL. Fourthly… when did they start lettin’ strippers work tables at IHOP? I could go on, but… I’ll just let you see for yourself.
3. Wax-a-Million – No Panties on the Dancefloor. I will admit it. If this song caught me while I was on the dancefloor, I’d probably leave it pregnant. This is my shit. Judge me as you will, but I ain’t got no pannies on. Ain’t got no pannies on. I ain’t got no pannies on on the danceflo. AND I AIN’T ASHAMED.