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Know What the World Needs? More Ass.

April 6, 2010

This must have been BET’s rationale when it came up with the brilliant idea for “Uncut,” which was pretty much an hour or so of barely censored, raunchier-than-usual videos that they showed at 3:00 am.  Because, you know.  The Thong Song just didn’t quite fulfill the daily Ass Wigglin quota.  Overtime was mandatory.

(NOTE:  VIDEOS ARE NOT WORK SAFE!  LOTS AND LOTS OF ASS WITHIN!)

In summation, “BET Uncut” was essentially a bunch of often cheap, low-budget videos by unknown/little known artists (i.e. – “What U Thirsty 4?”).  The songs were almost always hyper-sexual in nature, and featured a lot of  T &  A.  A lot. Enough to get the show a TV-MA rating and even making some rappers speak out.  The show debuted in 2000 and lasted a total of 6 freaking years.

Fun fact:  in 2005, while this show was still on the air, hip hop group Little Brother was banned from the station after execs claimed that their music was “too intellectual” for BET’s audience.  Tunes like “Super Ho” and “Shake That Shit” totally got through, though, no problem.

Now here’s the thing.  I’m not here to criticize BET’s fucked up policies and ways, nor preach on how they’ve probably got plans to further poison black American even more.  Ain’t enough time in the world for that.  I’m going to admit a deep dark secret and admit to you all, my friends, my family, that they played some songs that, were they to come on my TV right now, I’d be really excited to hear.  Partially for nostalgia’s sake, partially because some of that ignorant ass music had danceable beats.  Make no mistake, though.  My affinity aside, they were all ridiculous.  The very existence of the show, especially considering what sorts of things they refused to show, is batshit.  But I watched.  I listened.  I danced.  And these were my favorites.

1. Mighty Casey – White Girls. I really liked this video because I couldn’t figure out what the fuck it was doing on “Uncut.”  Ain’t no strip club scenes, no car washes with big soapy booties.  Just… modest looking white girls in cheerleading uniforms.  In the snow.  Lol, what?

2. Black Jesus – What That Thang Smell Like. THIS.  IS.  A.  MESS.  Beginning to end.  And because of that, this song and video provided me with endless hours of sad mirth and laughter.  First of all… why are you called Black Jesus??  Secondly… THAT IS NOT A QUESTION YOU ASK SOMEBODY.  Thirdly… check out my girl’s hair at 0:35.  LOL.  Fourthly… when did they start lettin’ strippers work tables at IHOP?  I could go on, but… I’ll just let you see for yourself.

3.  Wax-a-Million – No Panties on the Dancefloor. I will admit it.  If this song caught me while I was on the dancefloor, I’d probably leave it pregnant.  This is my shit.  Judge me as you will, but I ain’t got no pannies on.  Ain’t got no pannies on.  I ain’t got no pannies on on the danceflo.  AND I AIN’T ASHAMED.

If you’re curious as to what the show’s top 10 videos were during its run, click here & scroll down to the bottom.  Most of them are probably on YouTube if your ol’ freaky ass wants to see ’em.

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. April 6, 2010 11:40 pm

    Oh, gosh! I saw some of these. I remember hearing boys at school talking about “Tip Drill” and having no idea what they were talking about and then finally staying up trying to catch it. Catching it. And being mad as shit that I had watched (part of) that trash.
    And FTR: I couldn’t even watch the videos leading up to it. I had to keep flipping! Hah

  2. April 6, 2010 11:41 pm

    My problem with BET isnt Uncut and the ass shaking videos, its their lack of balance. Why cant we have Black Jesus, Mighty Casey AND Little Brother?
    Im a music snob, but I dont buy into the idea that songs that only make you want to dance have no value. Art is subjective, different people value different things…its just sad that BET thinks black people only value dancing and not thought provoking music.

  3. N.ka permalink
    April 7, 2010 1:26 am

    In random college conversation, I remember everyone badmouthing (rightfully so) this show. But everyone admitted that they liked “no panties.”

  4. TeeBee permalink
    April 7, 2010 1:44 am

    Let me tell you something: I WAS TOTALLY GOING TO SUBMIT “WHAT THAT THANG SMELL LIKE” to SC for your review! My number one pet peeve is seeing people smell their fingers (there is a story behind this that I care not to share), so when I came across this crusty jewel while up late with friends, I nearly died. Literally. Like, I really went brain dead. A friend of mine knew how I felt about people smelling their fingers, and took any opportunity to revel in my disgust. This is how many a “friendly” encounter would go:
    In the midst of a wonderful group outing, usually involving liquor, said friend would catch my eye and slowly raise middle and pointer fingers to his nose and start sniffing and rubbing. For some reason, I NEVER LOOKED AWAY!!! Then he would start singing this damned song as I cringed.

  5. vitamin p permalink
    April 7, 2010 2:57 am

    The black jesus video.

    2:47/48-ish.

    Left of frame.

    Is that dude’s MOTHER or something??

  6. Ralonda permalink
    April 8, 2010 4:54 pm

    Sad to say (but not THAT sad), I remember each and every one of those videos. I often catch myself humming “I aint got no pannies own, no pannies own…I aint got no pannies on own own da dance flo'” at the oddest times.
    And Joker the Bailbondsman…sigh.

  7. April 16, 2010 8:02 pm

    I love it! LOL.

  8. misterpalmer permalink
    May 1, 2010 8:33 pm

    Joker the Bailbondsman (wtf?) belongs on the list. I can’t remember why, but he does. I think he was from AK…
    And does anybody remember this charming lil ditty?
    “Time for freak-in. Time to come clean. With them tight @ss jeans. YOU know what I mean! Bongo-o-o-os! Versace! Parasuco-o-os!..for you freaky @ss h0es…”
    It was very, very bootlegged and went from a raggedy club scene to an amateur porn scene with a couple of chubby math club dudes and some rent-a-skeezas…
    it was nice ^_^

  9. Mdot permalink
    July 15, 2010 4:16 am

    Growing up in the great state of Indiana, we are known for lapse in judgment, like playing “no panties on the dancefloor” during the rush hour radio mix. Better yet having folks proudly proclaiming “what that thang smells like” was filmed at a club in the city. Or when the DJ plays Mighty Casey (yes he gets airtime in the Hoosier State) and the white girls go crazy, kinda like when black girls hear “get me bodied”. But I think the greatest lapse is that in 2010 I could still get a blonde weave styled into a french roll with fingerwaves on the side. (excuse my lateness, I gladly stumbled upon yall about an hour ago and cant walk away).

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