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The Worst Neo-Soul Song You Will Ever Hear. Ever.

March 31, 2010

I randomly thought about this song and video a few minutes ago and it made me so angry.  I wanted to sit down and write about it, thoroughly and intelligently, but I get so mad when I try to that the only thing that comes out of my fingers is “OMG WTF WHY?!”

The song is called “Herbal Tea,” written (presumably) and performed by a French artist named Maty Soul.  According to her Myspace page, her music “deals with social and political realities.”  It was shown to me by G.D. of PostBourgie because he hates me wanted to get my opinion on it.  It’s… bad.  It’s just really bad.  It’s like an orgy of boho cliches and mangled up vocal cords.  If bad spoken word poetry made a movie, this is what it would look and sound like.

Since I can’t coherently write any commentary on this shit song, I will instead paste a few pieces of the conversation we had on it via GChat.

How about a little group activity, hm?  Let’s name all the tired ass cliches we find in the video.  I’ll start us off:  super ethnic natural haired afroed black women.

If you’re a sadist and would like to hear more, check out “My Mind Went to the 70s.”  I haven’t listened to it because I can’t bear to, but I bet it goes something like:

“Oh, what’s with the world today/So much pain, my soul cries out/So heavy, my eyes can’t see/Why we can’t just sit and light some incense/Drink coconut milk/And rub sandalwood oil in our skin, I/Close my eyes and go back to a time when life was sweet like honeysuckle/And everything was peace and love and freedom and love and liberty and easy and cowry shells/Can you hear the drums/The Panthers understand my poetry/In the seventiiiiies.”

Or some such bullshit.

Go take a nap, Maty!

BMCP: holy fuck
BMCP: holy fucking fuck
GD: lol
BMCP: she is TONE DEAF
BMCP: what is she even saying?
GD: “she just wants to sip some herbal tea”
BMCP: wtf
BMCP: go sip some then
BMCP: did you really write a song about tea?
BMCP: all I do is make my music with my feelings and im waiting for unity and peace for your soul??’
BMCP: WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH TEA
BMCP: THIS ISNT EVEN A GOOD METAPHOR
BMCP: THIS ISNT A METAPHOR AT ALL
BMCP: ITS JUST TWO NON-CONNECTED THOUGHTS
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34 Comments leave one →
  1. kjo permalink
    March 31, 2010 4:04 pm

    i literally stopped 21 seconds in

  2. cocolamala permalink
    March 31, 2010 4:15 pm

    okay,

    i’ll see your tired ass cliches (signifying the 70s by riding bulky bikes w/fenders and wide handlebars)

    and raise you by some cultural appropriation
    why is she wearing a lil purse and matching earrings with the Ethiopian flag colors [combined with a Bob Marley t-shirt @2:09 just in case we missed the reference]

    • April 1, 2010 12:55 pm

      those are no longer ethiopian flag colors. they are now the colors of the conscious flag. that flag also contains pictures of bob marley, incense, a vinyl record, and a neti pot.

      i’ll see your ethiopian/conscious colors and raise you an Adidas track jacket.

  3. Lite Bread permalink
    March 31, 2010 4:19 pm

    Ms. Brokey,
    Kinda sounds (and looks) like a really bad imitation of Alicia Keys …

    With a bad cold …
    And laryngitis …
    With way too much Vicks Nighttime …

    “Choc-olate with orga –neegga” (0:15)? Huh?

    Bro with the dread’s at 0:26-31 was a nice touch.

    PS. The woman at 1:13-15/20 is gorgeous though. ‘Cause I happen to like very much “super ethnic natural haired afroed black women”. One beautiful woman and I can forgive a great deal, LOL!
    But not this video …

    • April 1, 2010 12:58 pm

      dear mr. white folks:

      STOP FETISHIZING US.

      love,

      ms high yella but still black folks.

      you know, i didnt even see the dude with the dreads. i was probably too distracted by… all the other horribleness.

      • Lite Bread permalink
        April 1, 2010 5:54 pm

        Ms. Brokey,
        OK.
        Sorry to offend.

        (Note: I’m pretty convinced you understand that it is a very difficult line to judge with people. It is probably as individual as each person/situation. Is every expression of interest in things different than one’s own expected background or perceived “group” a fetish? Can be. Also may not be at all. Thanks)

      • April 1, 2010 5:56 pm

        LOL i was totally joking. buck up!

        😀

      • Lite Bread permalink
        April 1, 2010 8:49 pm

        Yes Ms. Brokey!!!
        (picture military posture and full salute, lol)
        “Your command is my wish!”

  4. Lite Bread permalink
    March 31, 2010 6:33 pm

    Ms. Brokey,
    You, uh, like College ed-u-ma-cated, right? So you, like, know stuff, huh? So I got’s a question (ig-nunt 2520 here).

    Why, every time, some whitey wants to be all “socially responsible/World Harmony/culturally aware/other sh*t”, they pull the “World Blackness” thing out of the hat? When did ya’ all become the co-opted cliché’ of all things love-peace-save the seals cool? Cobble it all together, sprinkle some self-serving, semi-condescending lyrics around, rip some style trends off and poof … we got a …

    We need a specific category for this stuff.Reader’s, a “Label”?

    Why couldn’t she have been as “progressive” if they’d have used a South Carolina Confederate-flag-flyin’ backdrop, some 4 X 4 pick-up trucks, a few red-necks with Skoal t-shirts on, a country music theme and some bad French Creole accents?

    But keep the same extra girls, so I got some reason to watch it …

    • April 1, 2010 1:18 pm

      you didn’t get the memo? this is how you speak to black folks! show us pictures of things we can relate to! afros? genetically true! bob marley? he was black, too! incense? they probably invented that in africa!

      the fact that a white person can appreciate blackness, as it stands, makes them different. edgy. revolutionary. they get it. they’re down. they speak our jive turkey language, homey G-money dawg. we are one.

  5. vitamin p permalink
    March 31, 2010 7:47 pm

    So much to hate I am speechless.

  6. Katie B permalink
    March 31, 2010 9:04 pm

    OMG. When she’s standing on the bridge at night doing “rapper hands”…aaaargh! Plus, she can’t say “herbal tea” it’s all “herbal tzee”. The whole thing is ghastly.
    PS: long time reader, first time poster. From a honky in NZ – you rock.

    • April 18, 2010 2:35 am

      “Honky”….???
      Being melanin challenged myself, I prefer the term “cracka” personally… but to each his own. If you like it, I love it!

      About this video…. I’mma need a street address. I have a physiological NEED to punch this chick dead in her larynx.

  7. Caspercutie permalink
    March 31, 2010 9:52 pm

    I quit with the Pan-African earrings and accessories. Waiting on peace and unity, while singing your feelings? I guess, girl.

  8. Caspercutie permalink
    March 31, 2010 9:56 pm

    Oh, yeah. You almost kilt me with the lyrics. Cowry shells, LMAO!!!

  9. TeeBee permalink
    April 1, 2010 1:35 am

    Okay. Excuse the vulgarity, but who is SHE fucking? Why can’t we unsee/unhear things? This hurts my soul…

    • April 1, 2010 6:41 pm

      my guess: tyrell jenkins, erykah badu’s driver’s cousin’s next door neighbor’s barber’s best friend.

  10. Ralonda permalink
    April 1, 2010 3:25 am

    Yeah. So. I’m thinking she needs a new genre. Or to stop singing altogether. Just putting it out there…

  11. Fiqah permalink
    April 1, 2010 7:18 am

    This woman’s fiberglass-laced caterwauling made my uterus shrivel. Like torturing a cat to a beat. Daggone video looks like somebody asked her to PROVE that some of her best friends are Black. And that she could ride a bicycle without holding on to the handle bars. Drinking some juice without coloriiiiiiing, indeed.

    My womb is officially on strike until my babies can exist in a world free of this nonsense.

  12. cocolamala permalink
    April 1, 2010 2:09 pm

    you know who is a way better french soul group? les nubians somehow soulful, french, and african without the lil ethiopian flag purses. (also, actually singing in french.)

  13. Reese permalink
    April 2, 2010 6:24 pm

    This song FUCKIN SUCKS!!!!!!…DIRTY TOILET WATER!!

  14. April 3, 2010 7:13 am

    ALL I DO IS DRINK SOME HER-BALL TEAEAEAEAAAAEEAAA
    PATIENTLY
    ANDDD I
    HEAR THE LOVE OF CHOCOLATE BAGORGANY
    YEAHHHAHHHAHEAEEEEEAAAA
    ALL I DO IS MAKE MY MUSIC
    WITH MY FEELINSSS
    AND I
    WAITING FOR UNITYYY
    AND
    DRINK SOME JUICE
    WITHOUT COLORING
    IS IT
    POSSIBLE
    IM WAITING FOR
    MIND AND BODIES PEACE
    AND I DONT WANT MORE
    THATS HOW I FEE EEE EEEAL
    OH OHHH AND ALL I DO IS
    DRINK SOME HER-BALL TEAEAEEE EEAAAEEE
    PATIENTLY
    ANDDDDD I
    EAT A LOT OF CHOCOLATE WITH ORGANY
    YEAHH HEEEHHH EAAAHYAYYYAH
    ALL I DO IS MAKE MY MU-SACK
    WITH MY FEEL-ANS
    ANDDDD I
    WAITING FOR UNITYYYY
    AND PEACE FOR ALL SOULS

    *GO INTO BREAK WITH HEAVY MAKEUP AND RED, YELLOW, GREEN, BLACK POWER GEAR*

    ALL THEY DO IS MAKE BRAIN POLLUTION
    MONEY ILLUSIONS
    MUST WE WAIT FOR THE WO-UUU-RDS
    WONTCHA TURN WONTCHA LOVE
    MUST WE TURN? ITS NOT SAFE ANYMORE
    AND IM
    WAITING FOR
    MIND AND BODIES PEACE
    AND I
    DONT WANT MORE
    THIS IS HOW I FEEEE-HEEE-EEEEL
    OHAHHH–OHHHH ALL I DO IS DRINK SOME HER-BALL TEA
    PATIENTLY
    AND I
    EAT A LOTTA CHOCOLATE WITH ORGANY
    AND MAKE MY MUSIC
    WIITHIIIIIIEEEIIITH MY FEEEEEL-ANS
    AND IM
    WAITING FOR
    UNITYYYYY
    AND PEACE FOR SOULSSS
    YEAYYYAH HAYYYYY
    YEAAAH HAAAAA

    • April 5, 2010 3:22 pm

      i… i don’t know if i’m happy that i finally know what she’s saying now, or if i’m sad that i actually know what she’s saying now.

      :-/

  15. April 4, 2010 7:23 pm

    hey, my tea has some bullshit in it.

  16. Val permalink
    April 5, 2010 4:35 pm

    lol @ the comments being disabled on the youtube.

  17. SMH@ThisCoonery permalink
    April 15, 2010 1:27 pm

    This is so awful I think it wraps back around to awesome.

    • Lite Bread permalink
      April 17, 2010 12:35 am

      @SMH@This(I claim White Priv … Whateva … and refuse to say this part)

      Is that “Make it so, Number One!” in your little picture box thangy???!!!

      If it is … uh, are you, like, a, a girl? ‘Cause I got the whole DVD collection … an’ I was thinkin’ …

  18. Fiqah permalink
    April 16, 2010 3:51 am

    I made herbal tea with my feelings today.

    The shit was disgusting.

    • Lite Bread permalink
      April 17, 2010 12:31 am

      Fiqah,
      Oh … that’s sweet!
      Was it coloring-free?

  19. MrQ45 permalink
    April 16, 2010 2:01 pm

    Eh. It sounds like she believe she can be the white Lauryn Hill. Nay i say to thee!

    The instrumental sounds good. I could see this being a hit if Bourgie Banton over here gets the hell off it.

    Who the hell is paying for this? The production values were pretty good. Either she has awesomely talented friends that owe her favors, or someone is attempting to launder some money through this shitty musical act.

  20. May 11, 2010 6:05 pm

    I was done when she pronounced the h in herbal tea. She speaks French…she knows you don’t pronounce h’s !

    She looks like Celine Dion let loose in Floetry’s closets.

  21. September 16, 2012 6:24 pm

    Great work, this guy is a new artist and he’s pretty good, check out and like his artist page. lets support independant artist!

Trackbacks

  1. BRB! « Splackavellie Central
  2. Maty Soul is Back! Again!

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