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Somebody Get Timbaland’s Hungry Ass Out the Studio.

March 30, 2010

Timbalands' ex-girlfriend, Shirley.

Okay.  I like Timbaland, and Justin.  And I LOVE the two of them together (as dumb as the title for FutureSex/LoveSounds was, it was a really good album, in my opinion).  But “Carry Out?”  This just shouldn’t have happened, plain and simple.

It’s just three minutes of really, really bad fast food puns.

Let me get my ticket baby, let me get it line
I can tell the way you like it, baby, supersized
Hold on, you got yours, let me get mine
I ain’t leavin’ till they turn over the closed sign

UGH.  I just kept waiting for someone to yell out “HEY, BABY, CAN I GET SOME FRIES WITH THAT SHAKE??”

And the main metaphor doesn’t make sense.  My body’s like a carry out?  So you enter my body, get something delicious and…take it home for you to enjoy later?  Am I the stupid one here?  Maybe I’m the stupid one here.

And you KNOW this shit was Timbaland’s idea.  He’s on his diet/work out routine or whatever, and he’s hungry!  The man is CLEARLY starving! I bet Timb’s pitch to Justin went like this:

“Hey, JT, what up man.  It’s Timb.  Yeah, I was just callin’ to see–what’s that noise?  You eatin’ dinner or somethin’?  Oh, word.  Okay well I’ll make it quick, I had this idea for a song and–is that steak?  It kinda sounds like steak.  Oh, it is steak?  Yeah, that’s cool.  Okay so this song, I was thinkin’–hey man, you got fresh ground pepper on that?  Mashed potatoes on the side?  Word.  I remember eatin’ like that.  You know I can’t eat like that no more.  But anyway, man, I wanted to do a song about my one true love…ain’t seen her in awhile and I really miss her.  Who is it?  McDonald’s.  We gon’ call it “Carry Out” cause I thought “Dollar Menu” was too corny.”

Fail.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. KatrinaME permalink
    March 30, 2010 3:35 pm

    I’m so happy the Internet has you.

  2. theincredibletangentman permalink
    March 30, 2010 3:36 pm

    Timbaland has definitely fallen off the gravy boat.

  3. Ralonda permalink
    March 30, 2010 5:40 pm

    “Hey, JT, what up man. It’s Timb. Yeah, I was just callin’ to see–what’s that noise? You eatin’ dinner or somethin’? Oh, word. Okay well I’ll make it quick, I had this idea for a song and–is that steak? It kinda sounds like steak. Oh, it is steak? Yeah, that’s cool. Okay so this song, I was thinkin’–hey man, you got fresh ground pepper on that? Mashed potatoes on the side? Word. I remember eatin’ like that. You know I can’t eat like that no more. But anyway, man, I wanted to do a song about my one true love…ain’t seen her in awhile and I really miss her. Who is it? McDonald’s. We gon’ call it “Carry Out” cause I thought “Dollar Menu” was too corny.”

    AAAAAND…Done.

  4. Caspercutie permalink
    March 30, 2010 10:45 pm

    The part about keeping you open all night like IHOP didn’t get your notice, huh?

  5. Roxy permalink
    March 31, 2010 1:43 pm

    So I’m on the bus, on my way to work, surrounded by White folks, & masking my chuckles (eyes are tearing) with coughing. Light, polite, coughing.

    Thanks. ^_^

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