“Where Do You Want Me to Put It:” A Song for Virgins
Okay, so the song, essentially, is about communication. A man is singing, asking his lover to direct him, tell him what she wants in bed so that he may better please her, which is really admirable and something that all adults should be doing in the sack, so that’s not the problem. It’s just that he asks… kind of a really dumb fucking question. Where do I want you to put it? Do you not know how this works? Have you don’t this before? Have you heard of the vulva, my friend? You familiar at all? You watch porn at least, yeah? Surely that provides a clue or two? Why is this a question that you have to ask or I have to answer at this point in our lives? Cause I mean, these are grown ass men singing this song, so I’m assuming..
And maybe that’s my problem. I’m assuming. I’ve thought of two possible situations/circumstances in which this question would not be as stuperiffic as it seems.
Scenario #1: He’s blind. Makes perfect sense then, right? He can’t see shit. He don’t know what’s goin where or which way he needs to point it to get there. I can vibe with that.
Scenario #2: He’s into some next level freaky shit. See, I’m assuming that his ultimate goal is the usual/obvious, which would be the vagina. Or, if you’re into that sort of thing, the bootybutthole. But maybe he’s used to putting it other places? Maybe he’s trying to get a feel for her freak level before he just unleashes all of it?
I don’t know. I guess it’s open to interpretation. And maybe my reading of the song colors me boring and unimaginative between the sheets. Lol. Who am I kidding. If I could, I’d clone myself just to get me drunk and naked on a bear skin rug. *pops collars*
At any rate, the moral of the story is that this song is completely ridiculous. You need to phrase this question better, Solo, elsewise you’re just lookin’ like a lost, confused little orphan standin’ in the middle of a bedroom wearin’ athletic socks with your dick in your hands.
And there’s a lyric that I don’t understand, while we’re on the subject; it’s in the chorus:
Tell me what should I do
‘Cause you’re startin’ to work it down
And I don’t wanna lose it
…Is this an allusion to premature ejaculation? Cause it sounds like it to me. File this one under “sad times.”