“Too Close:” A song about erections.
I think I probably danced to this one for a good two years before the inappropriateness set in. The song, if you remember, tells the story of a young man dancing with a young woman at a party. Harmless. Nothing wrong with that. …Until you actually consider the lyrics.
You’re dancin’ kinda close
Feel a little poke comin’ through
For the slow-minded among us, that poke would be none other than his engorged, blood-filled penis.
Now maybe my vagina is making me a bit biased and leading me to find this creepy; I’m sure that nearly every woman who has gone to dance at a club has had to deal with Ron-Ron following you around the dance floor, pelvis-first, trying to introduce his little man to your booty butt cheeks in the name of two-stepping. Some women may enjoy this; let me not pretend that I’m representative of all women. But me myself personally? It kind of makes the Lorena Bobbit in my blood act up and is actually at the tops of my list of reasons why I don’t even go to clubs no more. It’s also why this song is totally creepy as I listen to it now.
And it ain’t just me!! The girl in the song don’t want it either! She says it, very, very plainly, in the chorus: ‘STEP BACK! YOU’RE DANCIN’ KINDA CLOSE MOTHERFUCKER!’ And do you know what his reponse is?? “Now, girl I know you felt it/But ooh you know I can’t help it.
That sounds like an impulse control problem to me. Know who else had impulse control problems? This guy.
Oh and it just starts out creepy. The talking intro? He’s so bold about it! It’s not like a case of ‘oh, dear! Your dancing and visage has caused in me an innate reaction that I am unable to control! I hope she doesn’t notice!’ Uh, NO. This negro calls attention to it! He’s like, ‘yeah, you feel that?’ INAPPROPRIATE AS SHIT! And then when the chick stops dancing, presumably because she’s uncomfortable, you know what this nasty ass says?? ‘Don’t stop now, you done did it!’
OMG NO MEANS NO! (Watch and listen here.)