A Message from Bilal: “Please Strip Responsibly.”
I’d like to begin by expressing my undying, unending, boundless love and affinity for one of my favorite singers, the incomparable Bilal Oliver. “Sometimes” is one of my favorite songs ever created in the history of my life. I count “Love for Sale” among the top 3 albums that I’d have to have with me if stranded on a desert island. I’d pay good money, if I had it, to see him perform anywhere when and wherever I could. And if I didn’t have the money, I’d rob and steal and kill for it. I have never ever seen this man perform sober and I am perfectly okay with it. I’d actually be kind of freaked out if I did see him sober.
That said… he must have been on something glorious when he wrote “Flying.”
As much as I love Bilal, he’s kind of hit or miss with me sometimes. I do like “Airtight’s Revenge,” the much awaited album after the shelfing of “Love for Sale,” but “Flying” just tickles me a bit too much for me to consider it seriously. It’s a pretty sad song about a young girl born to a big time drug dealer who, thanks to the hand she is dealt in life, makes a few wrong turns at Albuquerque and ends up on drugs, prostituting, and working at a strip club. And this is where it turns hilarious.
He had her walkin’ the town, sellin’ her ass,
They was makin’ money til she broke her back one day
How you do that? Upside down on the pole while you smokin’ crack
…LOL WHAT?! Bilal, what are you doing right now? What kind of shady ass establishment is this? There’s no “employees must finish smoking crack before getting on the pole” signs in the dressing room? Can we make that a company policy, please? And don’t you need two hands to smoke crack? How did she manage to get up on the pole and upside down with the necessary paraphernalia in her hands? How good a performance can you give on a pole while smoking crack? Doesn’t she care about the quality of service she’s providing to her customers? Shouldn’t the manager demand a little more from his employees? Nobody saw the crack pipe in her hand when she got on the stage? Nobody alerted security or called Diamond from the back to come get her off the stage?
The answer to that is actually yes. Kind of.
Somebody yelled from the back,
“Somebody get this ho up off the floor,
And Johnny, call the fuckin’ ambulance.”
Uh, yeah, hello? 911? We got another ho that done fell off the pole, smokin’ crack. Alright. See yall in a bit.
No, but really. While I’m sitting here ha-ha-hee-heeing, fwe really should appreciate this song for what it really is: a PSA. A plea for public safety and responsibility. An appeal to President Obama to get a handle on this health care crisis because, “you can’t do sh!t when you’re injured.*”
* – AN ACTUAL LINE FROM THE ACTUAL SONG.