Splackawhat? Splackawho?

OH HAI I MADES UP A WERD LULz

Welcome, welcome, everyone!  March 1st, as promised!  I’m so excited!!  I didn’t know what song/video/genre to start with, and then I figured it’d make sense to start with the song that gave me the name for this entire project.

‘Splackavellie,’ if you’re not familiar with it, is a song by a guy named Pressha.  It appeared on both his album Don’t Get it Twisted as well as on The Player’s Club Soundtrack in 1998.  I chose to name this blog after this song because it’s pretty much a good, solid epitome of ridiculous 90s R&B.  For starters… what the fuck is a “splackavellie??”  It sounds like some made up mob family name.  Or like a word some dumb kid who always wanted to start his own slang made up.  Has anyone ever used this phrase in everyday conversation, exluding referencing or making fun of this song (“Hey, girl, what’chu doin tonight?  You wanna go see “Ace Ventura” at the movies?”  “Naw, girl, I’m hangin’ with my splackavellie tonight.”)  Did splackavellies exist before 1997?  Is this somethin Pressha made up himself??  Honest questions here.

I was always a word nerd, even as a kid; I was fascinated by language and how certain words and phrases travelled from coast to coast and around the world and always wanted to create the next cool saying.  I went through several catch phrases, none of which worked (the one I stuck with the longest was ‘meatloaf,’ which I would say with my hand on my hip and eyes rolling in response to something absurd).  I say all this to say that I’m pretty sure that that’s what happened with this ‘splackavellie’ business.  This dude thought he was gonna come in and change the vernacular game.  Sorry, guys.  Nobody’s runnin’ around sayin’ “meatloaf” when faced with ridiculousness.  And they ain’t callin’ nobody a splackavellie, either.

Anyway, the word was written and the song was made.  The song defines the word for us confused listeners. In modern terms, it’s pretty much a fuck buddy.  But back in 1997/8, it was a “superman” who would “take you in his bedroom/and hit you with some front back and side to side/like hydraulics on a stormy night;” a “brotha she can call when her man ain’t doin’ her right.”  …hydraulics on a stormy night?? Meatloaf!

One of the best parts of the song for me is when Pressha sings for somebody (listeners?  Imaginary women in need of splackavellies?) to spell ‘splackavellie.’  lol.  I’m thinking if you want people to spell your name, you should make up something a little less complicated and more sensible!  Now can *I* spell splackavellie?  Hell yeah, I’m a genius.  But your average layman?

Pressha: Yeah, girl, you like that?  Yeah, I know you do.  Say my name, girl!  Naw, matter fact, I want you to spell it!

Girl: Um.. S.. P.. L.. A… K.. um, maybe another K.. and then.. I?  Can you use it in a sentence?  Fuck this, gimmie my panties, I’m out!

Lol.  Dumb.  Just dumb all over.  Oh, but this next part is awesome:  According to wikipedia, the song was “banned in Austria after its was found to be connected with a Neo-Nazi group responsible for the vandalism of synagogues and Jewish cemeteries.”

ICH BIN EIN SPLACKAVELLIE*

LOL WHAT??  I feel like the story behind this has to be spectacular.  I envision a group of skinheads sitting in a Buick smokin’ weed and listening to “Splackavellie” late one night, like “Man…this shit, man.  This just gets me so hype!!  You know what we should do?  Let’s go fuck up a cemetary!!!”

Lol.  Completely asinine.

Anyway, we have Pressha to thank (or curse) for our namesake.  Heil Splackavellie! (Listen to the song and watch the video here.)

*Oh shit, is that the one dude from Whose Line is it Anyway in that Nazi pic???

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