Tis the Season to be Absolutely Completely Ridiculous.
We at SplakCent have decided to break our silence to wish you all a very Happy Holidays! For this edition, we offer you the worst, strange, most annoying, and unbelievable moments in Christmas music! This List is in no particular order.
Clarence Carter – Backdoor Santa
Official: Clarence Carter is the worst Santa Claus ever in life. He comes into your house, sends you out to play, has sex with your mom, doesn’t leave you a single gift, and scurries off before your dad comes home. The good news: the “backdoor” part is not an allusion to anal escapades (that we know of..what Santa Carter and your mom do behind closed doors is their business). The back door is how he makes his escape if there’s no chimney in the house. And how many houses with chimneys do you know of in the hood? Exactly.
Congrats, Splackie Award Winners!
"This some bullsh!t!"
You may be saying to yourself, “weren’t these results supposed to be announced January 2nd?” And to that we say, shut up! Unless your name is God, you’re totally not allowed to judge us.
Anywhom, we present to you, ladies and gentlejerks, the most ridiculous musical beings of 2010.
The First Annual Splackie Awards!
(via)
Greetings, all, and welcome to the first annual ever in life Splackie Awards, where we award the best and worst (but mostly worst) musical events, people, and happenings of the year. The most awesome thing about this is that it’s totally people’s choice. Well, kind of. We did pick the categories and nominees, but YOU get to vote on them!
Let’s get this crazy train rollin’ with our first category:
A Holiday Message from the 90s: Keep It Real This Christmas.
"Happy Kwanzaa, b!tch!"
This is the video story of a kid who thought Christmas BOPPED! …Literally.
Let’s Play “How Accurate is This Song?”
Okay. Are you n-words out there really mad because Baby Buggz goes ham? Or are you mad because:
- Baby Buggz felt the need to pur writing credits on a seven word “song”
- This “music video” is more or less a live action Geocities page
- His name is Baby Buggz
Personally, I’m mad because when I showed this video to Smyph, his only comment was: “that’s beautiful.”
How accurate is this song? Why are you mad at Baby Buggz?
(Thanks to/shame on kindredsmile for sharing this!)
Cookin’ With Coolio: 5 Star Meals at a 1 Star Price
Alexander O’Neal: Sexy Face Fail.
Let me be the first to say that Alexander O’Neal‘s ‘If You Were Here Tonight’ is a truly, truly beautiful song. He had a lot of talent and potential. Shame he got hooked on that White Girl and snorted it all away. Anyway, this song is awesome, but the video? Not so much.
BRB!
Hey, lovers of ridiculousness!
SC will be on a one month hiatus while my cohort and I figure out how to get famous and/or rich. I’m going to try my hand at another novel, and I think he’s pondering selling drugs. We’ll let you know how that goes.
In the meantime, though, let’s all relive some of the most ridiculous moments in this little slice of cyberspace, shall we?
- A favorite series, “Album Cover or Obituary?” in which we try to decide if what we’re seeing is an album cover or an obituary and usually fail no matter what our answer is.
- Chante Moore CLEARLY Hates Her Friends.
- Awesomely Misheard Lyrics: Tickle Tickle Beeper Stroll?
- Where Do You Want Me to Put It: A Song for Virgins.
- Smyph ruins all your good memories of Stevie Wonder!
- …And MC Hammer, too!
- Friend to SC Charles270 keeps us laced with really, REALLY bad music.
- R&B BATTLE!!! Wait, what?
- Who Let Your Drunk Uncles in the Studio??!
- Neo-soul is dead. And this broad killed it.
- What even is a Splackavellie, anyway?!
Try not to be too mad at us. This hiatus won’t be fruitless for SC… details soon come!
See you in December!
A Message from Bilal: “Please Strip Responsibly.”
I’d like to begin by expressing my undying, unending, boundless love and affinity for one of my favorite singers, the incomparable Bilal Oliver. “Sometimes” is one of my favorite songs ever created in the history of my life. I count “Love for Sale” among the top 3 albums that I’d have to have with me if stranded on a desert island. I’d pay good money, if I had it, to see him perform anywhere when and wherever I could. And if I didn’t have the money, I’d rob and steal and kill for it. I have never ever seen this man perform sober and I am perfectly okay with it. I’d actually be kind of freaked out if I did see him sober.
That said… he must have been on something glorious when he wrote “Flying.”
What Is Mike Talking About!? (Half Flap Edition)
I was going to write a really long post about this song, because there’s sooo much to talk about, but really…it just comes down to this statement: WHAT IN THE HELL IS MICHAEL JACKSON TALKING ABOUT?!
